i dont know either. i dont even know why i do it. ive had more jobs in more places than most people have in a lifetime.
i seriously got 8 W2’s in the mail this year.
8 W2’s !!!! wtf is that about?
i wish i could just go to school and not have to worry about how im gonna pay for it. ive gotten into good universities 3 times and havent been able to go to any.
straight out of high school i got into my dream school….ucla.
submitted my sir, signed up for orientation and was ready to go.
at the end my parents broke it to me that it wasnt gonna happen.
i didnt know what to do. i didnt know what i was supposed to do if i wasnt gonna go to college. that was all i had ever thought about. that was all i saw in my future.
i was so confused and disoriented that i thought i didnt have a purpose anymore. i tried to kill myself but my family was too vigilant and they were able to get to me before it was too late. this is the first ive openly admitted to trying to kill myself.
on nights like tonight i think to myself that maybe i would be better off if i had gotten my way back then. but then i realize how selfish that sounds, but then again im the one who has to go through life with all of this uncertainty always around me. so why cant i make that choice for myself?
fuck.
i seriously dont know how i do it. i dont know why i do it. get up every day and go on about my day…. lately days just blur by me. i dont know what day it is most of the time. i guess it doesnt really matter because i have nothing to keep track of. nothing look forward to, nothing to expect, no change in the near future. just keep surviving, i guess. thats all im really doing.
its not like im actually living my life, im just getting by. surviving.
